One commonality in businesses, non-profit corporations and churches is that people guide them. These “organizations” are groups of people discovering a purpose, developing a plan, doing the work, creating formats and renewing themselves. Whatever the business, people create them. People lead them, and other people benefit from them. But only if you respond.
And those people interact through relationships. These relationships run the world. Whatever the industry, people run them. This especially holds true in the leadership world. People follow because they want to follow. And, the better the leader’s relational skill set, the more people will be excited to follow. That skill set includes responding to people when they contact you.
Yet, some people don’t respond. You call…no answer. The text is sent…but no message returns. You leave a message. Only to discover you really do leave it, because nobody picks it up. The message is left. And you feel left out.
The crazy thing is, this happens even among people who say they desire to lead well. In person they can be friendly and engaging. But, trying to get in touch with them is like looking for Sasquatch. You have heard a few reported sightings, but you have never experienced it yourself.
Consequently, this lack of response dings the leadership of the non-responder. When you don’t respond within a reasonable amount of time, (typically 24 hours) you devalue the person and reduce your leadership effectiveness. Lack of a response does at least five things:
#1: You devalue the relationship.
Think of the people closest to you. If you continually received a “no response”, how long do you think those people would be close to you? If you know them well, you might write it off a time or two. Maybe they were in a meeting. Maybe their house caught fire.
When you respect the person, you figure they must have a good reason for not getting back with you. But, that will only last for a while. If it develops into a pattern, (say, two or three times or so), your mind likely takes it another direction. They may think the receiver:
-doesn’t want to work together
-is irresponsible
-isn’t interested in the relationship
-does not care about other people
-devalues me as a person
-is arrogant
-thinks he is above responding to people
So, you get the idea. None of them are positive. And, none of these thoughts coming from others help your leadership.
This sampling is only representative. But it does show the tendency. All the reasons people construct for your lack of response are debits to the relationship, withdrawals from the connection the two of you have. None of them are good.
#2: You lessen the number of people who can help you.
Every time I introduce you to someone, I put my reputation at risk.
Let’s call him Nick. In this hypothetical scenario, I know Nick and Nick knows me. I text him and he texts back. I call him and he returns the call. There is a level of trust and dependability when you know someone will respond. Nick is a great leader, well-connected and produces above average results consistently. I am thinking Nick could help you further your career. He has answers and contacts that can move you forward faster than your current pace. Then, I text you. I don’t get a response. Not for a day. Not for several days.
What are the odds that I am going to tell Nick about you? Pretty much zero. Why? Because if I connect you with Nick and you don’t respond to him, it negatively affects the way Nick sees me. If I recommend you and you don’t respond, Nick now sees me as the kind of leader who recommends people who are not dependable. And, leaders won’t risk their hard-earned reputations for people who aren’t interested in earning theirs.
#3: You create unnecessary obstacles.
When you don’t respond, a hurdle now exists where there was not one. And, that hurdle must be jumped for the relationship to get back where it was.
So, he texted you and you did not text back. Three times.
What do you think will happen the next time you text him? Or see him in person?
Right. If you don’t think it important to respond to him, his inclination to respond to you lessens. Now, It doesn’t mean he won’t respond. But, it does mean you will have to overcome your non-response for him to connect with you again.
And, climbing that hurdle now requires more emotional energy, explanation and time. All that would have been unnecessary if you had responded. When you think about the results from responding versus non-responding, getting back with them is easier.
Responding
-is simpler
-takes less time
-consumes less emotional energy
-prevents the necessity of explanation
Interestingly enough, responding initially avoids unnecessary effort. Yet, it also strengthens your leadership at the same time. It makes you a better leader because responding quickly shows promptness and dependability, two indispensable qualities of leadership.
#4: You say you don’t care.
Now, you may think you care about people. But, not communicating communicates that you do not care about people. The person trying to reach you does not know what is going on inside you. All they know is that you did not return a call. Or a text, or an email.
People respond to your content, not your intent.
Rich Halcombe
Not responding says at least a couple things:
- I don’t care enough about you to respond
- You are not important enough for me to respond to you.
It also makes things more difficult for that other person. Because they didn’t hear back from you, they now have to set up some kind of reminder to try again. Then, they have to follow-up on the reminder. Then, they have to redo the attempted contact. And, unless the person really needs to get in touch with you, they probably won’t.
For your part, you could have avoided their extra hassle with a few seconds of your time. Even a short message like, “Got it! I’ll get with you later,” keeps the other person out of limbo. Your response doesn’t have to be long. It doesn’t have to be detailed. It does have to be a response.
A no-response doesn’t feel good. Lack of a response feels like the non-responder does not care. For you, it is like seeing someone you know walking along the sidewalk. “Hey, Kiersten! Hey, how are you?” Then Kiersten puts her head down and goes to the other side of the street to avoid you. That’s what lack of responsiveness feels like. Rejection. Isolation. So, if that were to happen to you, what are the chances you will try to get Kiersten’s attention again? Definitely less than they were.
And, the fifth thing you do when you don’t respond reveals something about you that you need to know.
#5: You point to an underperforming area of your leadership that needs attention.
So, why don’t you respond? Something drives that non-behavior. Your non-response might be pointing to an unresolved issue between you and the one trying to get your attention. Why else would you respond to one person and not another? Some kind of motivation responds to some people and not to others. It could be aggravation over a previous slight. Previous miscommunications or misunderstandings could be in play. Whatever the rationale behind the non-response, some idea or thought is behind it.
Those who disregard are not held in high regard.
And somehow, we wrongly think ignoring it dismisses it. In actuality, ignoring it only magnifies it. Magnifies the divide between you and that other person, and likely to other people. There is a high probability that the one you are dismissing is telling other people about your non-response. The inaction is not in isolation.
To a wise leader, the inclination not to respond points to an area of growth. It shows a potential deficiency that needs to remedied. Addressing this one area well improves your overall leadership. It helps the present situation, but also better prepares you for all that is to come.
Non-response is a response that bears negative results. Address it early and the benefits compound over the span of your leadership. Failure to address it means you are limiting your leadership now and lessening your trajectory over time.
Share below one way you have dealt with non-response, either yours or somebody else’s. (No names, please!)
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